He’s was standing there in a line, and apparently waiting to get into one of those booths up ahead. He realized he was wearing a white robe, and thought it must be one of those annoying things they give you in a doctor’s office. He reached back but he didn’t feel any bare spots so at least this one covered you all around.
As he stood there one of the two people ahead of him went into the booth whose door just opened. He felt a little woozy. The last thing he remembered was following behind some old lady who was diving exactly at the posted speed limit. He remembered that the road finally opened up a bit and he sped up to pass. As he went by the other driver he stuck out his middle finger to let her know that she was a hazard on the road. He thought he remembered a very loud horn, and then nothing. “I must have been in an accident,” he thought.
The person ahead of him entered the booth whose door had opened. He put two and two together and surmised that he must have been in an accident, taken to the hospital, and now he was waiting in a line probably to fill out his insurance information before they would give him an aspirin and send him home.
There was lettering above the booths, but it wasn’t the name of the hospital. It read, “ALAST” which meant nothing to him. They must have brought him to one of those emergency clinics that charge an arm and a leg to treat a headache. As he was thinking about whether his cut rate insurance would cover the cost of treatment in this place a door to one of the booths opened and he entered.
There was a single chair that was placed in front of a desk like ledge. There was a computer like keyboard built into the ledge and a large computer screen built into the wall in front of the chair. Not very trusting he thought as he sat down. The screen lit up and a series of words started to scroll down the screen. The words were moving pretty fast but he recognized “English” and then “French” went by before he was aware that it must be a language selection choice. He looked down at the keyboard and saw a roller wheel. He touched the wheel and the words stopped scrolling. “Lebanese” was highlighted, so he tried to roll the wheel and the words started to go by. He finally figured out which direction he needed and got back to “English.” He pressed the button next to the wheel and the word “English” started to glow. Then a list of countries came on the screen, “America, Australia, England, India, Ireland, were on the screen and he guessed correctly that the machine wanted to know which English speaking country he was from. “Must get a lot of immigrants around here,” he guessed. By using the wheel he went back to “America” and pressed the button. Now a list of dates came up on the screen starting with 1400 and by the time he guessed what it wanted it had gotten up to 2500. He touched the wheel and went back to 2000 and hit the button.
The numbers disappeared and “Please enter life code,” came on the screen. He figured out it must want his insurance number but he didn’t have his wallet and couldn’t remember what the number on the card was. He noticed a small “?” next to the words and he moved the glowing cursor over to the “?” with the arrow keys he found next to the wheel. When he clicked on the “?” the words “1) Enter your mother’s name, or state orphan” came up. He used the keyboard to type in Mary, which was his mother’s name. Then the screen asked for her place of birth. He entered Chicago, since that was where his grandmother had lived and the screen went blank and then came up with, “Your life code should be entered in the following manner _ _/_ _/_ _ _ _” He figured out it probably wanted his birthday and he entered that date.
The screen cleared and the following came up. “Welcome Walter. Would you prefer Walter, Walt, Wally, or W?” He moved the cursor over “Walt” and clicked.
The screen cleared and then “Are you a member of an organized religion?” He was thinking this was one heck of a personal survey, but he entered “No” since he had never really liked all that stuff they wanted you to do each Sunday morning instead of sleeping in. He noticed that the screen split and the left half had a scrolling list of religions you could pick from and the right half asked “Do you believe in an all-powerful being that is sometimes referred to as “God?” Again he entered “No” and decided that he didn’t see the need for all of this information and he got up and decided he would try to find some hospital worker to explain why they needed to know this stuff.
He got up and tried to open the door to the booth, but it wouldn’t open. He banged on the door for a while but his hand started to hurt so he stopped and went back to the chair. The screen said, “Have you ever taken the life of another human being?” This made no sense at all and he started to bang on the keyboard. The screen cleared and then “Walt, you’re not answering the question” appeared. It stayed up on the screen and then the question about taking a life reappeared. It was becoming obvious that either he answer all their stupid questions or they were going to keep him in this room. He thought, “As soon as I get out of this mad house I’m calling the cops.”
He entered “No” and the screen added, “This answer is not with in the parameters of acceptable answers.” These words were in brightly glowing red. He couldn’t figure out how this machine knew but he thought about how “Whitey” had tried to screw him out of his share of the take on that boat job and what he did about it, and so he entered the number “1.” The red glowing letters remained but they seemed to dim somewhat.
Truth was going to be a problem he realized. He thought about whether this stuff could be used against him in court and decided it couldn’t so he started counting on his fingers. He got to sixteen before he figured he had remembered them all. He entered “16” and the glowing letters disappeared and the screen split again, with “no” appearing on the left side and his “16” staying on the right side.
Below the “16” the words “Were any of these in self-defense?” He entered “Yes” and the line about not within the parameters came back on the screen so he backed over the “yes” and entered “no.” If the dammed machine already knew all the answers why was he siting there?
The questions kept coming. Did he like sunsets? Did he ever break a promise? Did he ever have a pet? When that one came up he thought about his wife Ellen and how she seemed to worship him and followed him around, so he entered “Yes.” Red letters came up and issued a warning, “Human relationships do not fit into this category.” So he changed his answer to “No.”
The questions kept coming and it seemed as if he had been there for hours. As he sat there he noticed a metal plate built into the far left side of the keyboard. It had those letters “ALAST” on it but this time he could barely make out the smaller letters between the Capital ones. It read, “After Life Accounting Services Terminal.” He had been feeling warm before and now he really started to sweat.
He looked up at the screen and the next question was, “Have you ever been, or are you now, sorry for having hurt these people?” He guessed that the machine was talking about the people he had admitted to having killed, beaten, insulted, and generally made miserable. He thought about Ellen again. After ten years of him having ignored her, and when he was drunk, beaten her she finally gave up on their marriage and left him. He could remember after Ellen left sitting there in their apartment, beer in hand, and saying “I’m sorry I hit her, she was always there for me.” He thought that must count as having been sorry at least once, so he entered “Yes.”
The screen split again with “No” on the left side and his “Yes” on the right side. A word appeared under his “Yes.” It said “Really?” Again he thought about it and decided that he really was sorry for how he had treated her and so he entered “Yes” again.
The screen cleared and the words “Would you like to change any of your answers?” appeared. He tried to remember all of the questions and the answers he had given and decided that he probably didn’t have any better answers than the ones he had given. It had not been a fun time sitting here in this booth, and he really just wanted it to be over and face whatever he had coming.
He entered “No.”
The words “Walt, would you like a re-set?” appeared.
In the face of all he had just admitted to he typed “Yes.”
The screen went black and so did he.
Suddenly he was somewhere else. He could hear a lot of screaming and it seemed to be all around him. He had the world’s worst headache. It felt as if someone had forced his watermelon sized head through an orange sized hole. He tried to move and found that he was wrapped up in something that was confining but very soft. There was a lot of light in the room and he realized there was someone looking down at him from behind a glass wall. He could hear the words, “Isn’t he just perfect?” and someone responded, “Yes.” Then nothing seemed to make sense or matter anymore. He was just hungry and he screamed to have someone feed him.
