NEW BOOK is Here.

For all of you who missed the chance to be the first ones on your block to down load my mystery series, “The SPEW House Mysteries” you’ve got a second chance. Volume two in the series has just come out and the electronic ink is still wet. These are the stories of a group of authors who started to solve crimes for the money they needed to save their meeting House and have continued because they love the thrill of solving the mysterious crimes they encounter.  Find it at www.amazon.com/SPEW-House-Mysteries-Vol-ebook/dp/B00HXJXRHY/

South Pole

It was a quiet time up at the North Pole. The sleigh had been cleaned, polished, and stored away in readiness for next year. Most of the manufacturing staff was taking some time off in the Caribbean. The reindeer had been moved to a small private zoo near Portland. In all only the monitoring staff was functioning and even there a lot of the equipment had been set to automatic. The records would be reviewed later and the lists updated at that time.

                Even Santa was cooling it, only working half days and spending a lot of time catching up on his reading. It was a pleasure to set aside the lists for a while and just read about how other people live their lives. It turned out he was very fond of fantasy novels where some of the characters had magical powers. He always wanted to see if they used their powers for good.

It was several days after XMAS and Santa was down in the small part of the cafeteria that was still operational. He had his feet up on the next chair and was having a soothing cup of hot chocolate with a bit of Irish whiskey that he had picked up from a single parent family in Dublin. The father had been bewildered as to what to bring his two daughters for XMAS and was sure that their letters to Santa had been mis-delivered to him intentionally. In fact he never even noticed that he received copies of the original letters which were still in his daughter’s files down in records.

Maria from the Special Cases Branch had just walked in and Santa waved her over to his table. She grabbed a hot chocolate and walked over to the big man’s place. “How are you Santa? All rested up from the deliveries?”

After a quick “Ho HO,” he said, “You know I never really get tired delivering the toys. In fact it must invigorate me because while everybody else wants to take time off I’m ready to go.  But I have to admit it’s nice to have a little peace and quiet for a while.

“How are things in your branch of the world? Is your Polish friend doing OK?”

Maria sighed and said, “Waclaw’s resting comfortably and they moved his fathers bed into his room so that they could be together for the Holidays. His prognosis hasn’t changed but the dose of Christmas cheer that we got to him has eased the pain considerably. That along with your arranging to see his father has made his time a lot more peaceful.”

Santa had taken his feet down and placed an arm around Maria’s shoulder. “I’m glad we could help. But that’s why we call your group the ‘Special Cases’ Branch. Both your clients and the people who work there are very special.”

Santa decided to change the subject so Maria could smile a bit. “I see that the United States is getting a bit of snow this week. That will give the boys and girls who got sleds for Xmas a chance to try them out. Do you do much sledding Maria?”

She did smile a bit at the thought of sliding down a hill in the snow. “I did when I was younger. Not so much lately though. There never seems to be enough time anymore.”

Santa was shaking his head in agreement. “I know what you mean. I can’t remember the last time I was on a sled. Of course today it would have to be a pretty big sled to hold all of this holiday cheer.

Maria was looking at Santa as he rubbed his belly. It really did shake when he laughed. Then she asked, “So there was a lot of snow where you grew up?”

Santa smiled as he remembered a bit from his past. “OH yes there was plenty of snow and ice as well. I don’t know if you know it but I was raised by my grandmother, and she is a great outdoors- person. She encouraged us to play outside come summer or winter.”

 

Maria had that grin that only elves seem to manage. “Yes I knew about your grandmother raising you. I had the great pleasure of meeting her when she was up here about twenty years ago.” Maria was still smiling when suddenly she looked up and said, “Wait a minute. You said she ‘encouraged us.’ I thought that you were an only child.”

Santa nodded in agreement. “It’s true I am an only child, but my grandmother raised both me and my cousin.”

Maria was sitting at the end of her chair. “You have a cousin? No one ever told me that Santa had a cousin.”

Santa had his lips pursed as he answered Maria. “Yes I have a cousin and we were both raised by my grandmother. My cousin is only about two years older than me. But we turned out very differently despite having been raised by the same woman.”

Maria could hardly contain herself. “What’s her name? Where does she live? Why isn’t she here working with you?”

Santa waited for Maria to take a breadth and then jumped in before she could come up with more questions. “Stop. Give me a chance to answer one question before you ask the next. If you’ll sit back I tell you about my cousin.”

Maria was looking down and said, “Sorry. I just got so excited at hearing about your cousin.” She took a sip of her hot chocolate and said, “Please go on. I promise not to ask another question until you say it’s OK.”

Santa was smiling. He always liked to see excitement, whether it was from an elf asking about his past or a child opening his first Xmas present. He started to tell his story.

“I had been with my grandmother for about two years when my cousin came to live with us. Her name is Santana.”

Maria’s head jerked up, and Santa noticed. “No”, he said, “Not the musician, although my cousin could play the piano.” My grandmother always said that Santana’s name meant ‘holy.’ Sometimes she would add ‘terror’ after holy. When I first started up here Santana worked with me. It used to get a bit confusing with our names but we managed alright.

“The problems started when I wanted to give toys to all the boys and girls and Santana said that we shouldn’t give anything to the children on the Naughty list. We had some heated discussions I’ll tell you. In fact as I recall the Nearly Naughty Department was started while she was still here.

“That wasn’t enough for Santana. She felt that if a child was naughty they should be punished. I just couldn’t agree to that, and so we parted ways. A few of the elves leaned toward her side of the argument and so when she left they went with her.”

Maria was so enthralled with Santa’s story that she forgot her promise of silence and asked, “Where did she go?” As soon as the words left her mouth she put her hand across her mouth and mumbled. “Sorry.”

Santa smiled and said, “It’s alright. That’s a very good question. She set up shop as far away from us as she could get. She moved to the South Pole. They have a set-up quite similar to our shop, as you would expect since the same elves built the shop at the South Pole as built this place. 

“To save a little operating capital she doesn’t have all the monitoring equipment we use. Instead she has a direct feed from our monitoring division. She can get all the raw data and make her own decisions about who belongs on the Naughty List. Surprisingly we almost never disagree, except on those who I put on the Nearly Naughty List. She usually agrees to hold off on those but keeps a close watch on them to see if they slip up and become full time naughty.”

Maria had her hand up and Santa opened his hand to show that she should talk. So she said, “What does she do to the children on the Naughty List? Does she give them broken toys?”

“No.” Santa answered quickly. “That would be cruel and Santana isn’t cruel. No she thought about it for a large number of years as her work shop was being built. Then she came up with what she thought would be just the right thing to let the children know that they were being watched and had been seen as naughty. She gave them ‘coal.’

“They would wake up on Xmas morning and find a lump of coal in their stockings. Not very nice. Especially if the other children in the family got toys. They usually got the message and few children ever stayed on the Naughty List two years in a row. I suppose that means that Santana wasn’t completely wrong, but I still can’t fully agree.”

Maria was back on the front edge of her chair. “Does she still do that?”

Santa was smiling again even though he found his disagreement with Santana a bit painful. “Yes and no. When she started the children could use the coal they got from her to help heat their homes. Let me tell you there’s nothing quite like a coal burning fire to get you warm after a night of toy delivering. But as time went on we found that coal fires aren’t good for the environment, so she had to change. She thought of giving underwear, but finding out all of their sizes got a bit tricky. Instead they take the coal and carve it into little statues. Still a bit disappointing but less polluting.

“In fact one of the largest purchases of hard coal from Spain is for Santana’s staff to carve as presents for the naughty children.

“Sometimes the children don’t know what it’s all about and their parents have to explain it to them. They get the message and the parents get to find out that their children have been naughty. Not very subtle I admit, but it works.”

Maria was all aglow with the new information. “Does she deliver her coal the same way?”

Santa nodded. “Of course she does, after all only Reindeer know how to fly. “

With that he stood up and stretched. “I’ve got to get back work. But if you’re still interested ask a few of the older elves. They probably still remember her. In fact, if you want I can arrange for you to visit her shop. She’s always willing to show folks around since she’s hoping for new recruits.”

As he left Maria could hear a small “ho, ho, ho.” She wondered if Santa was telling her the truth or if he made it up to cheer her. She got up and headed over to operations where the oldest elf she knew worked.