Where do you stand, when life is passing you by?

Where do you stand when life is passing you by?

It’s happened to many of us.  We work for a number of years in the same place, and the folks there get used to us being around. For the most part we do the same things day after day.  Then comes that day when you look around and realize that almost everyone you started with has already left the place and retired.  After that it’s just a matter of time, before you start to ask yourself “Why am I still here?”

We all come up with similar answers to the question. What would they do without me to (Insert one of the following: review the morning papers to find items of pertinent interest, perform the final edits of the reports reviewed twice before, monitor the automatic payroll process, or recall the name of the guy who used to sit in the back office?)  We all know that we are invaluable, even if we did spend years training our replacements.

Who would answer those questions about where the files on the Thompson case are located?  And what about the time that I was the only one who could remember how we handled the situation with the parking space rights-of-way?  Eventually we have to realize that they now have a new parking lot and all the old cases have been digitized and cataloged electronically.

That leaves you with reality, and accepting that it’s time to call it a day. To hang up the old spikes, or in other words to retire.  Now in today’s world of economic uncertainty that may be a frightening thought for more than one reason, but I’m only going to deal with the actual act of retiring, and not if you have to sell blood to survive.

We’ve decided to retire.  The big day comes and if we’re lucky there are still a few people left who want to throw us a small party.  So we stand there drink in hand and new watch on our wrist, as those we leave behind come up to say good bye. They tend to fall in to one of four groups.  Those who are too young to consider retiring; those who don’t have the time in but want to retire; those who can’t afford to retire but would if they could; and those who can’t imagine retiring.

The first group comes up and wishes you well, but you’re entering into a phase of life that they simply can’t imagine happening to them.  They are too young to think about retiring.  They went through the company class on retirement, and gave it as much attention as the location of the fire exits. To them death and retirement are both events that will never happen to them. They are at the beginning, and can’t imagine an end to the journey.

The next folks come up and ask questions like “What have you got planned?” or “Are you going to travel?” They are sincere but not really interested. They have been working for a number of years but not nearly enough to qualify for any type of retirement.  Oh they feel the crush of life that you passed through but for them it’s an ongoing thing.    Perhaps they’ve just read through the brochures for the college their oldest is looking at and have almost started to breathe again.  Perhaps they are looking at the estimates for their youngest’s braces and are asking themselves “just how bad can buck teeth be?”

Their wife is talking about a trip to Europe, and they’re thinking about that trip to the bank to ask for that second mortgage. The last vacation that they can remember fondly predates: diapers, soccer tournaments for ten year olds, and the lecture on binge drinking at the high school PTA.  Retirement is a distant dream on a par with a young wizard coming to their door and turning the pile of bills on the dining room table into gold bars.

The third group is the one who have that hunted look about them.  They are the folks who have worked as long as you but haven’t been as fortunate in life.  They have saved all of their lives only to find that their bank accounts haven’t kept up with inflation.  They’d be OK if a gallon of gas still cost 50 cents.

They envy you and would join you in a flash but life has treated them cruelly and they can’t put enough together enough money to stop working.  Perhaps they listened to that TV investment guru and sold all of their stocks just as the market bottomed out and bought bonds that now have no market.

They are the saddest because they should be at the office door with you, but fate punched a hole in their life boat.  Their mates may have had a long lasting fatal disease that drained their life savings.  The house that they planned to sell to buy that condominium in Florida has fallen victim to the current market conditions and is now worth half as much as the mortgage the bank holds on it.  You pat their hand as they wish you well with that look of envy in their eyes, and you tell them that things will get better.

The last group is the one who gave this piece a title. 

The “I can’t imagine retiring” folks are the ones who come in to work each day, ready to battle any dragons they can find, pets or otherwise. They know that what they do is important, even if no one else does.  Your retirement is a threat to their basis for life.  If you have been there in the trenches with them all of this time, and now can see a reason to quit, what does that mean for their untiring devotion to their job?  They can’t be wrong about fighting the good fight every day.  So if they’re not wrong, then you must be.  And so their conversations differ from the other groups.

“What” they ask “will you do with all of your time?”  “Are you planning to get another job?  Will you be working for a non-profit charity?”  They ask these questions with a faint whiff of fear.  Surely they think, there must be work in life to consume your time.  Should you answer that you haven’t thought about it, they get that cornered look in their eyes and tell you that you’d better get on it right away.  If you say that you plan to do a little traveling they want to know where you’ll be traveling and how long it will take you to complete your trip.  Those questions are then followed with the inevitable “And then what will you do?”  If you hint that you’re thinking of doing a little writing, they want a complete synopsis of your first book.  They ask if you’ve been a book store lately (not that they would admit to having spent any time browsing through the aisles.)  They tell you that there must be a million new books out there.  Everyone and their brothers are trying to write the new great American novel.  You won’t have a chance.  Failing to be intimidated only encourages them to place more rocks on your road to happiness.

You could plan ahead and have a witty reply ready to counter their negativism.  Try statements like: “A rich uncle just died and left me a million dollars.” Or “I’ve decided to move to Northern Canada and live off of the land for a year and then write a book about my experiences.”  These may stop them in their tracks and if you’re lucky they won’t realize you’re pulling their leg.

More than likely they will respond with “You can’t just sit around and eat bon bons all day.” or “What will you do after the book?”  They simply can’t imagine a life with out planned direction.  When they’re asked the question “Do you work to live, or live to work?”  Their answer will always be that of course they live to work.

Your retirement will allow you to read a book at your own pace, rather than having to read a 100 page report on roofing shingles over night to be able to summarize the results of the report at the next day’s staff meeting.  Your retirement will allow you to take off for a weekend trip to San Francisco, that may stretch into a week long excursion into the wine country.  Rather than a two day stay for a boring conference, and the red-eye flight back to the office for the next early morning meeting.

The movie you missed in the theaters is now out on DVD, and you can watch it as many times as you like without fear of appearing bleary eyed at your desk the next day.  That dining club that you heard about is still available, and now you won’t have to worry about missing all of the great meals because you have to work through the weekend.  Where the last group would see a boring and dirty waste of time, you see the development of a garden next to your house as both challenging and rewarding.  For them forgetting to set the alarm is a tragedy resulting in a late arrival that the boss may notice, but for you it’s an extra hour of sleep that you’ve missed for the last forty years.

They face you and with a look of poorly disguised disgust say “Are you just going to sit around and let the world pass you by?”