I was recently at a family affair, where people gathered who were related. Some were related by birth, or blood. Some were related by marriage, or law. And some were related by long lasting close friendships. This got me thinking, and of course that’s always a good thing for someone who aims to be a writer. After all we remember that famous saying, “I think, therefore I write.” Alright I changed it, but only after I thought about it.
As I sat there, I looked around and tried to figure out which relationship was the strongest. Strongest, not the longest. It was easy to see those who had been related the longest. They were the seniors at the tables, who were related by birth and blood. Although as I thought about it, some of those who were related by birth, had come close to shedding some of that blood which made them into a group. They didn’t have that show on TV called “Family Feud” for nothing.
I saw those who were related by law or marriage, and realized that if they were together after a number of years their relationship had to be strong. Of course there were those who had already ended their married relationship, but who were still related by birth, and thus could stay at the function even though they had ended the true reason they were there. It was fun to see the youngest members of the related- by-marriage group, with their shiny new rings, and for some shiny new babies. They were both inspirational and cute.
Young marrieds have that special something that gets to the rest of us. Of course in the past, before young people lived together for months or years before they exchanged vows, there was always that fun period when they were just getting used to each other. Back then, at one of these family functions you could see the mother of the new bride whisper to the just minted husband, that his new wife was looking tired and he should get her a cup of coffee, or a caffeinated soft drink before she got past the recovery stage. Or the mother of the new husband would tell his brand new wife, that she should get him to dance and away from the open bar.
Alright, so the previous paragraph would seem to mean that the parent/child relationship was the strongest. But even the bible would tell us that the married couple’s relationship will trump the parent/child one. After all there’s something about “a man shall leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they shall be two in one flesh.” Of course that was before king size beds and a growing divorce rate. Still it’s rare to find a husband who will stand against his wife and support his mom or dad.
OK so blood and birth may not always produce relationships that stand the test of time. Taking vows may produce a pretty good thing in the beginning, but those relationships also can flounder. So whose left in the relationship game, to claim the prize for the strongest bonding. Yep you guessed it; pals, buddies, friends for so long that they can’t really remember not being together.
The wives sit together watching the old men laughing and drinking and say to each other, “There they go again. Every time those two, or three, get together they always find something to laugh about. I wonder, what it is that they find so funny?” Of course if the wives could hear the husbands talking they would realize that the men are saying, “Look at those women. Every time we have one of these family functions, they sit together and look so serious. I wonder, what they find that is so serious?”
Friendship can trump all the others, because no one can force you to be a friend. You can see the longtime friends. They don’t care who made the most money, or has the biggest car. They may not even know whose wife had the biggest ring, or who took the best vacation. They’re just happy to see each other. It could have been five years since they last saw each other, but they pick up their conversation just where they left it. Their hair may be thinning, but not the strength of their bonds.
Next time perhaps we can look at the differences between familial relationships and friendship, among characters in a story.
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